i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize