Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
