I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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