Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have feelings that need drinking.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
