He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
