And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
