how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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