he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
babies were throwing up all over the place
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Randomize
