Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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