Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We don't watch enough power rangers
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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