new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
