I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I looked at my own cervix.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is the high leading the old right now
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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