More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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