I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
