Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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