Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
