Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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