just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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