i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
