I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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