I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
