chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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