From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize