So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
