The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
