fuck your aforementioned shoe
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
