The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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