I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
