Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
