This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm both gender and math confused
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
