apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
