Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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