when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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