You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
