absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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