I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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