Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
