so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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