Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize