Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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