I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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