i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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