Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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