just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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