DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just gift wrapped bread.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
