The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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