Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
