we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
