i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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