I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
