angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We need to feng shui this bitch.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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