Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
