One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
