Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
