so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
