So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
