the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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