I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
