And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
