First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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