Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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