I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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