I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
