And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
