I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
