You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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