i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
