He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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