but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The power of my boobs compel you
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
