the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
