Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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