Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
