we're making bets on your personal life
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize