so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
