I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize