That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
