omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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