I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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