I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
