Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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