I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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