...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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