there's paper in my vomit.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
