You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
