She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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