He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
