At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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