Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Houston, we have a squirter
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
