so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
