I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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