All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
