Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
