Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
