(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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