I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
