Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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