Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
