He told me they were just razor bumps!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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