yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i think i have two assholes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
