either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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