A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You may now shotgun with the bride
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
