I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
