loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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