The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
