peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
