just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
