Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
