brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
