he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
