i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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