I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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