Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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