I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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