The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My bed smells like the plague
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
