Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize