can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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