im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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