Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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