I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
