Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
