Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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