when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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