all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
