you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
